


To The Four Corners of the Earth

by saturni_stellis



Category: Monty Python's Flying Circus
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Enemies, M/M, Size Difference, Size Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:39:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29414994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturni_stellis/pseuds/saturni_stellis
Summary: A professional TV presenter with a distinguished size kink doesn't take kindly to being humiliated on his own show, and he vows vengeance...even if that does mean travelling the four corners of the earth to get it!
Relationships: 'Archaeology Today' Presenter & Professor Lucien Kaster (Monty Python's Flying Circus), ‘Archaeology Today’ Presenter/Sir Robert Eversley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 6





	To The Four Corners of the Earth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flowerdeluce](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerdeluce/gifts).



> Thank you for requesting this outrageous pairing I absolutely love it, and it's also one of my favourite Python sketches so honestly how could I resist writing this!? Hope you enjoy it! :D

He liked to think of himself as a professional TV presenter. An outstanding member of the broadcasting community. Some would even say an expert in his field. But as his face burned red, not only with embarrassment but also with the force of another hand against his cheek, he felt like all those titles were being crushed before him, squelching like horrible wet sticky dough between the fingers of the man who stood above him. 

“I'll get you for that Eversley! I'll get you if I have to travel to the four corners of the Earth!” 

Later, Kastner told him it was impossible to accurately traverse the four corners of the Earth as the world was spherical in shape and that it was an outdated biblical reference, but the presenter shushed him; and after that Kastner scarcely opened his mouth without permission again. Suited them fine. 

If he was to travel the four corners of the Earth to follow Eversley and carry out his vengeance, he needed someone by his side who not only knew where Eversley might go for his next digs, but someone who would speak only if he was spoken to. Well...he was a professional TV presenter after all. 

~

They arrived in Malvan on a Tuesday. It was 35 degrees Celsius by the time they got to the hotel, both sweating in their three piece suits. The man at the desk looked up at them like they were aliens from another planet. 

Turning to Kastner he pulled him forwards. “Tell him we're here for the dig. On Eversley's team.” 

“But I don't know how to speak Malvani!?” Kastner piped up nervously, voice a little hoarse from the three hour cab ride. 

“What? What good are you as a companion if you don't know any languages!?” 

“I do know languages! I know English, Spanish and French, a little German, Norwegian, obviously-”

“Oh shush!” 

“Well well well Kastner, fancy seeing you here? And how nice, you brought a little relic of your own. Where did you dig this one up eh, the BBC archives?” Eversley's voice echoed through the hotel lobby, and when they turned to face him, Eversley stood tall, on those wonderful long thin legs of his, all six foot five of the man towering over him and Kastner, casting a shadow over their faces. 

“How dare you!” the presenter replied, words sticking in his throat as he tried to swallow back the feeling that arose in his gut. People in this part of India were so very small, so Eversley looked like a giant in comparison. 

“And it talks too! How interesting. I might have to buy him off you Kastner and have him mounted on my wall.” 

“How much!?” 

“Oh shut up!” 

His eyes narrowed as he glared up at Sir Robert. Revenge was his, and it was going to be sweet. No matter what, Eversley would be made to feel humiliated and it didn't matter that he was charming and handsome and clever and six foot five. Six foot five. On his knees, Eversley would seem even taller. Impossibly so. He'd have to reach up towards him, arms outstretched and hands grabbing at his watch chain, fists clenching his waist coat and-

“Oh no, he's getting away!” Kastner shouted, shocking him out of his day dream. 

They ran after him down the steps of the hotel and into the street. It was no Italian Job style get-a-way, but Eversley laughed almost melodically as he jumped into the tuk-tuk which was barely big enough for him to fit in. 

“See you at the next corner...!” he sang as he travelled out of earshot. 

“You idiot Kastner! Why didn't you stop him!” 

Kastner jolted as he was hit with the suitcase that was still in the other man's hand, squealing like a small animal. 

“But I couldn't do that. He's... well he's six foot five.” 

“Yes...” 

Turning back towards the direction of the tuk-tuk which drove Eversley away, the evening sun setting in the distance and the dusty wind blowing in his hair, he could've sworn he heard the fanfare of sitar music playing in the background. It felt like something straight out of a romantic epic. 

“...I know.” 

~

In the Mersin province of Turkey, mist rolled down the hills of the mountains like great swirling angry Gods bearing down from the sky. The air was hot and thick with humidity. Rain had to come any day now, at least that's what the local Turks told him. The men at their hotel were accommodating; and forth-coming with Eversley's plans for the right price. 

So he found himself at the base camp of their dig, North of the Taurus mountains, awaiting the teams' return. To his surprise, Eversley entered the tent alone, only somewhat surprised by the unwanted guest. 

“Bet you never thought you'd see me here, eh Eversley?” he grinned. 

“On the contrary, I saw Kastner in the market only yesterday.” 

The grin quickly fell from his lips as his face contorted with anger at his companions carelessness. What part of “lying low” didn't that short little bastard understand!?

“Now get the hell out of my camp or I'll make you!”

“Make me!? Oh I'd like to see you try-” he barely had time to finish his sentence because Eversley had already moved forward and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck. 

“Un-hand me at once!” 

Eversley did, throwing him to the floor with as much ease as a child would have throwing a small doll, and he tumbled onto the tarp with a sharp grunt. 

“You bastard.” he managed to say, between breaths. 

Oh those hands! So strong and with just one to over-power him in such a way. How he hungered to teach Eversley a lesson, overthrow him in the physical sense, but as he knelt on the plastic makeshift floor of the tent, small and helpless once again in the shadow of the great Sir Robert...it was impossible to even dream of doing such a thing. He crawled forward pathetically, grabbing for him and oh heavens, he just about reached his waist. 

Eversley's hands clasped at him, grabbing either side of his shirt collar forcefully and holding him still so he was forced to look up. 

“You don't really expect me to bend down for you, do you?” Eversley asked, his eyes momentarily flitting towards a wooden crate that sat upside down a few inches from the TV presenters feet. 

As he was being pulled up by his collar, Eversley nudged the box towards them with the toe of his shoe. 

Taking no time to stand upon it, he looked around in wonderment at his sudden elevation. 

“So this is what it feels like to be six fo-” 

“Shut up,” Eversley said, and pulled him into a bruising kiss. 

Eversley's mouth lacked affection and tenderness. All that came with his kisses was heated desperation that showed itself with every nip and bite that was administered by his mouth. 

Moaning unabashedly, two hands crept into Eversley's white blonde hair, tugging with force until the other man hissed against him. 

Eversley kicked the box out from under the smaller man's feet with a huge thud, driving him back down towards to the tarpaulin of the tent. 

“Now you can be on your knees.” Eversley panted, letting go of him sharply as their eyes burned into one another. 

He knew what came next, but his head inclined towards the opening of the tent regardless. 

“No one will come in without my strict permission.” Eversley said with confidence. 

So it was settled then. He undid Eversley's trousers with steady hands and sucked him with every ounce of strength his jaw would allow (given Eversley's size), all the while stroking up the front of Eversley's body with roaming hands, as high as he could stretch them, just to see how far up he could get. 

When he left the tent, Eversley's men were still halfway up the hill and the camp was empty. At least it meant no one would've heard him moaning around a mouthful of cock or Eversley swearing as he came into his mouth. 

~

Huddled under three layers of blankets and in his polo neck, Kastner still managed to shiver, keeping the two of them awake for half of the night, until they eventually fell asleep a mere few hours before the first sunrise. 

“Why on earth have you brought us here, Kastner?” 

Kastner's posture had gotten progressively worse over the last couple of months. Perhaps it was the overnight stays in shabby hotel beds or the long haul plane journeys, but huddled by the fire and shrugging his shoulders at the question, he looked particularly more sheepish than normal. 

“Archaeology isn't just found in deserts you know.” he said, glancing at the other man over their homemade fire. His dark moustache and goatee had icicles in them from the cold air. 

“Well we better run into Sir Robert soon, or I'll give you something to really shudder over.”

That evening Kastner retired early, promising to check the maps again tomorrow, and find them somewhere for an overnight stay so they didn't have to spend another night together in a tent. 

~

It was six months before they came face to face with Eversley again, this time in Egypt. 

He saw him at the market, that ridiculous white hat standing out like a sore swollen thumb. It wasn't as though he was already hard to miss. 

Following closely behind, the TV presenter managed to stay well hidden in the crowded market, the noise and rabble of hundreds of people going about their day a decent enough disguise. 

Eversley slipped into a small locale off a side-street. Inside, a narrow spiral staircase led down to a dark crowded bar. The tables were low on the ground, cushions surrounding them instead of chairs, and on the surface of every table sat a hookah pipe. Some of the regulars looked up as he entered, probably not used to seeing an awkward white man in a blue suit, looking suitably out of place. He cleared his throat and went to walk over to the bar in the most confident stride he could muster, but a firm hand clasped his shoulder before he could take another step. 

“Not so fast.” 

He didn't need to turn around to know who it was. 

“Ah, Sir Robert. Fancy seeing you here.” 

“These men are with me so if you want to make it out of here alive, better be a good boy, yes?”

Nodding, Eversley led them over to the bar and ordered two drinks he'd never heard the name of before. With Eversley knocking it back in one go, he had no choice but to match the action, the alcohol burning his throat, fumes catching in his nose and causing him to splutter and cough once he'd managed to swallow it. 

“An acquired taste, I'm sure.” he scoffed, pushing the empty glass back towards the barman who gave him an unsavoury look in return. “Where can we talk...in private.” 

When he looked over at Eversley, the archaeologist had his eyebrow raised. At least he wasn't in that stupid hat anymore. His bright blonde hair and moustache looked out of place now against his tanned, sun-drenched skin. Kastner obviously under-estimated the amount of time Eversley's team had been in Egypt. 

“There's a room at the back. Follow me. Stay close.”

He didn't much like being told what to do, especially not by Eversley, but he obeyed regardless and followed at his heel into a back room that was empty and sufficiently far enough down the corridor that they could be unheard. 

When Eversley took him by the lapels, he pulled him up with such force he was compelled to balance on the very tips of his shoes in order to reach his mouth. 

The kiss was fervent and hungry and Eversley's hold was solid, which helped with the difference in their size, forcing a shiver through his whole body just at the thought of it. He grew thick and heavy instantly beneath his trousers, the anticipation of their meeting again causing him to live on constant tenterhooks over the last several months. 

After his lips had been sucked within an inch of their life, Eversley let go of him and he stumbled back, breathless and burning hot with inflamed arousal. He tore off his jacket, and began unbuttoning his waist coat. As he went to lie on the floor, Eversley stopped him. 

“No, not like that. Against the wall. I want you facing me.” 

Swallowing the lump in his throat and pushing his glasses up his nose, he paused, looking between the wall and Eversley. 

“Is that...possible?”

“Get undressed and you'll see.”

He needn't question Eversley's methods as ten minutes later, he was stripped naked and held up against the wall, being fucked mercilessly whilst Eversley's hand covered his mouth.

The hand loosened only when Eversley reached his end, forcing a loud guttural moan out of the both of them that he was sure echoed across the corridor and into the occupied bar at the other end of building. If those men really were all under Eversley's payroll, he supposed it didn't really matter. 

It took them a while to recover, and when they untangled he revelled in the delicious new pain that greeted him between his legs as they were lowered onto the floor. 

“Would you like another drink?” he offered, trying not to lick his lips as he watched Eversley pull his trousers up his long legs.

Eversley shook his head. “No, I have a dig tomorrow. A big one and it's very important I have a clear head and a clean throat.” As he went to leave, Eversley looked back over at him. “Am I to expect you and your little minion there?”

For the first time, Sir Robert Eversley actually looked unsure about something. 

He looked up at him slyly. “Now why would I want to tell you something like that?” 

Eversley straightened, as his lips curled ever so slightly into the smallest smile. “Well, until the next corner of the Earth then.”


End file.
